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By Randall Kaplan
The decision has been made, and someone else received the promotion. We may have congratulated them, returned to our desk, and continued working. Inside, the questions are louder. What did we miss? Was the process fair? Does our future still belong here?
Those questions deserve attention. They also deserve better evidence than we’re likely to have in the first few minutes after disappointing news. Our next move can influence both our options and the quality of the information we receive.
We don’t need to pretend the outcome feels fine. We need to give ourselves enough room to decide what would help us understand it.
If we’re upset, we can acknowledge the decision and ask for a separate conversation about feedback. That gives us time to prepare questions rather than trying to process disappointment and negotiate our future simultaneously.
The purpose of that meeting should be clear. We want to understand how our readiness was evaluated, which evidence was missing, and whether there is a credible path forward.
We can prepare by reviewing the responsibilities of the role and the expectations discussed earlier. If the criteria changed, that is something to clarify. If we misunderstood them, that is useful to recognize too.
Extreme Preparation® applies after an outcome as well as before it. We’re preparing to learn something that could change our next decision.
“You need more leadership experience” can sound definitive while leaving us unsure what to do. We need to understand which responsibility or behavior the decision-makers wanted to see.
A useful question might be, “Could you describe a situation in which I would need to demonstrate that readiness?” We can then ask what successful performance would look like in that situation.
If the concern involves coordinating a larger team, an appropriate next assignment may create relevant evidence. If it involves judgment under pressure, another routine project may not address it.
We should listen before responding. There may be an observation we disagree with, but understanding it fully puts us in a better position to discuss it. A calm request for an example is often more useful than immediately listing everything we’ve accomplished.
Sometimes the issue is not simply our readiness. The organization may have one position, a changed business need, or a budget limit. Those circumstances require different planning from a specific development gap.
We need to know which situation we’re in. Otherwise, we can spend months trying to solve an unavailable position by working harder in the same role.
That conversation may not produce certainty. Our manager may not know when another opportunity will appear. An honest answer still helps us assess our choices more accurately than a vague suggestion that everything will work out.
We can remain committed to doing good work while considering whether the organization can offer the next step we want. Those decisions can coexist.
If there is a development path, it should include a responsibility, a way to assess it, and a review point. We should understand who will evaluate the work and how the evidence relates to the role we want.
For example, we might agree to lead a defined cross-functional project and review our handling of decisions, communication, and delivery. That is more useful than an open-ended promise to demonstrate more initiative.
We can summarize the agreement afterward so both people have the same understanding. The summary should reflect what was actually agreed, including any uncertainty about a future opening.
A coach can help us examine whether this plan addresses the feedback or simply gives us more work. That outside perspective is particularly useful when we’re eager to hear a reassuring answer.
At the review point, we can compare the agreement with what happened. Did we receive the promised opportunity? Was our work assessed against the criteria? Did the explanation become clearer or keep changing?
Those answers help us decide whether to continue pursuing advancement internally or explore other options. We don’t need to make that decision as a reaction to one difficult afternoon.
Being passed over can hurt because the goal matters. The most constructive response respects that ambition by asking what the experience teaches us and what we can do with the information. A disappointing decision can become a point of clarification about the work we need to develop, the environment we need, and the future we’re prepared to pursue.
Randall Kaplan is a serial entrepreneur, investor, and executive coach. He’s a co-founder of Akamai Technologies and the founder and CEO of JUMP Investors, which has invested in more than 100 early-to-late-stage companies, including Google, Seagate, and Lyft. For 25 years, he’s coached hundreds of entrepreneurs, business owners, and executives. He created Extreme Preparation® to help people pursue their boldest ambitions, overcome the obstacles standing in their way, and change the course of their careers, businesses, and lives.
He also interviews some of the world’s most successful people, including Mark Cuban, Tony Robbins, Mike Tyson, David Solomon, and David Rubenstein, on his podcast In Search of Excellence, which has reached as high as #3 in Entrepreneurship and #10 in Business on Apple Podcasts.